good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
