Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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