The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
