u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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