The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Boobs speak an international language.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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