Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
