we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
