Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
