But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
