I wish I only lived at night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
