I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
