Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
