so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
