it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize