Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
