wat bout pragnant strippers??
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
