brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
