Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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