He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
