No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
false alarm, still single
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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