sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dear god my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
