end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best revenge is premature balding
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
