You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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