Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
