I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
