My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
