Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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