I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
