I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
