We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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