Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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