Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Who died my cat blue again?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
