Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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