it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
