i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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