Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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