I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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