3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
