You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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