lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
