addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
