brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
