I feel great
I just peed on a car
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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