Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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