I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just googled if crying burns calories
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
