i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
