We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
