WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
