Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
