check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
