The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
