Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
