So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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