I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
