She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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