He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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