i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
