so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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