Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
