I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just threw up on my dentist
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
