I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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