I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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