No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
