I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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