Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
